Not recommended for alcoholics writing a play while working as a caretaker for a snowbound hotel. — *Not recommended for alcoholics writing a play while working as a caretaker for a snowbound hotel.*

By Daniel Ford

While Valentine’s Day may be a made-up commercial holiday designed to make lovers happy, angry, frustrated, or aroused, it does give us an occasion to hunt for great gift ideas for the writers in your life.

Again, booze, particularly bourbon, gets the job done better than anything else. You deserve a drink on Valentine’s Day, don’t you think Mr. Torrance?

Spirit in the Night

Speaking of The Shining, here’s a mug for your Stephen King fan (or, more likely, wannabe).

The Only Bomb Worth Having

This F Bomb Paperweight is the ideal gift for someone with a daily deadline. You know you have a problem when someone cuts this out of a magazine and puts it on your desk without comment. Not that anyone has ever done that to me or anything…

Typewriter Chocolates

$13.50 may seem like a lot for “vintage typewriter chocolates,” but…typewriter chocolates! I’m pretty sure not even known curmudgeon Dave Pezza would dare write a diatribe about things he hates on these sweet machines.

Humble Pie

My guess is that your literary lover needs to be taken down a peg every now and then. Feel free to post him or her wearing it to a variety of social media networks to hammer home the point.

The George Costanza Novel

Don’t do any of the shenanigans featured in this novel regardless of your gender or sexual orientation (but it makes for a great read!).

Billy Shakes, Action Hero

I don’t really need to explain the awesome badassery of a literary action figure, right? We need our friend Doug Richardson to write a script based on a sword-wielding, bare-chested, and revenge-drunk William Shakespeare. I guess he could write a buddy comedy starring Oscar Wilde and his editor, but that would be too on the nose I think.