Writer's Bone Bloopers: Sean and Dan Can't Say Hello
Is it possible the outtakes from Writer’s Bone's intro video are better than the edited version?
No, no it is not. Sean and Dan are idiots.
However, enjoy watching Sean’s slow, bitter descent into testicular pain and Dan's giant head and his inability to keep a straight face for more than five seconds.
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Dan’s Take: Why The West Wing’s Leo McGarry is the Perfect Spokesman for Johnnie Walker Blue
“I like the little things.”
God, the way John Spencer delivers that line in this clip from The West Wing, you can almost script the rest of what he’s about to say. You know it’s going to be ugly, vicious, and potentially career-ending. He practically howls it defensively and ashamedly. You see Leo McGarry’s life written across Spencer’s face and you forget he’s a fictional character.
But after delivering that line, Spencer lets loose a delivish smile. He then proceeds to describe a how it feels to hold a glass in a way that would make some adult film actors salivate. The camera then fades to the memory McGarry has been grappling in the entire episode. He looks absolutely defenseless as Mr. Belding offers him a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue. If someone were to drop a bottle of that on the street by accident, there would be a crowd of scotch lovers tonguing the sidewalk to ensure not a drop was wasted. Non-alcoholics would be hard-pressed to turn this down, but an alcoholic, nervous, and desperate politician? Jesus, setting the guy’s house on fire while taking a dump in his car couldn’t have caused more damage. Hence, he snaps at Johanna Gleason again when she tells him to get to the point.
“That’s what I remember.”
That’s what Spencer says when he has his first illicit sip. It’s so haunting because every first sip of scotch makes you think of all the sips that came before it. My college roommates got me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black for my 21st birthday based on our love of this episode. It came with two rather nice glasses. I’ll never forget pouring the golden liquid over two ice cubes for the first time. It was as sexual an act as the one depicted in this clip. I believe I had a cigar with my buddy Steve-O that night as well. My mouth was deliciously alive with tobacco and alcohol. Maybe it tasted like I ate week-old cat litter the next morning, but the hour or two he and I spent drinking, smoking, and talking about life was well worth it.
“I don’t get drunk in front of people, I get drunk alone.”
Even if you haven’t seen the rest of the episode, you know what happens next. Anyone who has gone on a self-destructive bender knows the feeling of opening up a liquor cabinet and believing every ounce of booze is going to go down your throat. The consequences aren’t surprising because of how inevitable they become. Whether the world demands repayment immediately, or, as in McGarry’s case, fate decides on a reckoning at the worst possible moment in the future, the piper has to be paid in full.
Spencer was one of the main reasons The West Wing was so great—and why it remains my favorite television show of all time. He had a career’s worth of fantastic moments on the show, but this scene might have topped the list. It’s probably closely followed by the scene at the end of the episode:
“That was awfully nice of you.”
That’s redemption as smooth as Johnnie Walker Blue.
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Sean’s Take: Harlan Ellison Is An Asshole I Can Agree With
Harlan Ellison
I hate Harlen Ellison.
Eh, that is way too harsh of me to say for a man I’ve never met and a man who has more skills as a writer than most. He is so skilled that if he was in a coma he would still produce better work than most current writers. With that said, I get annoyed with Harlen Ellison very easily. I hear him speak and can feel the rage building inside of me. The man is smart, skilled, and well-spoken, but he’s also arrogant, short tempered, and has an ego big enough to make Kanye West seem humble. He also is known for blowing up at his fans and, while some may find this part of his charm, I believe it makes him look like someone I would like to call “a dick.”
Not familiar with Harlan Ellison? That’s a shame. He’s considered one of the most influential science fiction writers of the 20th Century. He has won countless Hugo Awards, Edger Allan Poe Awards, and every other writing award under the sun. He penned “The City on the Edge of Forever” one of the most acclaimed Star Trek stories ever produced. Award winning author Neil Gailman considers him one of the best writers of all time. Also, Ellison is known to be a loud mouth prick who frequently sues anyone and everyone. This includes James Cameron over the copyright to “The Terminator” and he is the guy responsible for having BB gun ads removed from the back of comics. Thanks a lot, Harlan!
Do I like Ellison’s writing? Not really. It isn’t because I dislike him personally, but because his writing is slow-paced and I tend to get bored. That doesn’t mean he is not a fantastic writer, but he’s just not my kind of writer. I still respect the man and in this case I need to agree with him. In this clip from his documentary “Dreams with Sharp Teeth,” Ellison tells a rage-filled tale about how Warner Brothers asked him to do an interview for a DVD for free.
Below is a transcript of Ellison describing his conversation with the poor soul on the other end of the phone:
I say: [voice rising] You gotta pay me! She said: [injecting a little femininity] Well, everybody else is just, you know, doing it for nothing. I said: well everybody else may be an asshole, but I’m not. I said: By what right would you call me and ask me to work for nothing? Do you get a pay check? Well, yes. I say: [Getting increasingly excited and stumbling over his words] Does you boss get a pay check? Do you pay the telecine guy? Do you pay the cameraman? Do you pay the cutters? Do you pay the teamsters when they schlep your stuff on the trucks? Then how—don’t you pay U—then how d… [becomes briefly incoherent]…Would you go to a gas station and expect free gas? Would you go to the doctor and have him take out your spleen for nothing? How dare you, call me and expect me to work for nothing!
Now, I feel bad for the woman on the other end of the line because I know she must look like a shell-shocked solider from World War I. She’s probably curled into a ball on the floor muttering to herself and shaking, but Ellison is on the right side here. Sure, a DVD interview may help Ellison get his face out to the public and gain a few new readers or win some old ones back, but Ellison is producing content for Warner Brothers to help them sell a product that they will make money off of. Who helped them make money from that product? Ellison did. Ellison, for all his yelling, name calling, and asshole-like behavior made a very valid point:
If a writer produces content, they should get paid.
Pay the writer!
Hold on. Dan, how much am I getting paid for this?
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Introducing Writer's Bone
What do you get when you combine an Irish pub at midday on a holiday in Boston, suspect acoustics, limited technological skill, and faces meant for radio? The premiere of Writer's Bone!
As Bob Dylan said in 1966,
Coming Soon!
Our podcast & blog will be up and running shortly.
In the meantime, here's what #writing should look like:
Are you an inspiring writer? Seriously, put down the Ramen noodles and pay attention. If you're looking for an outlet for your material, maybe Writer's Bone is the perfect home for you. To submit a post for consideration, email writerbone@gmail.com.
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